Stupid Ambition

I have this friend. Well, actually, he's my cousin. We grew up blocks apart from each other and spent our entire childhoods together. Family gatherings, summer vacations, school, parties, you name it. It was a blessing to have a cousin who was also my best friend. If nothing else, it certainly made family gatherings more palatable. The thing is, though, we are remarkably different people. And our differences are most noticeable when examining each of our respective approaches to responsibility.

Today was another day of TV watching, smoking and wandering around Oakland. Sure, I spent about 45 minutes perusing job listings and even revised my resume a bit, but the majority of my day was spent trying to get as little done without thinking about the implications of how little I was getting done. Lethargy has become effortless. Wait, I suppose it always was. Regardless, I'm a pro. I was just finishing the Price is Right when I got a call from my cousin.

"Hey, Pat. How's it goin'?"

"I'm just fine. Getting ready to go to the library to do a little work." This, of course, was a blatant lie.

"Nice. I've been real busy lately. I was in the office until about 10 o'clock last night."

"That's rough. I don't know how you keep that up. You have any plans for the end of the week and the weekend?"

"Well, I've been working on a job application for the federal public defender and I want my resume and cover letter to be good. I'll spend some time on that. Also gonna go into the office a bit on Sunday after I play volleyball in the park. How about you?"

"Uhh, I'm gonna have some drinks with friends on Friday night. Think I'll play some basketball Saturday and then go over to Brian's place for dinner and drinks." The basketball was an exaggeration. At most, I would focus on my Playstation skills (my thumbs are the envy of the gaming community). The parts involving drinking, however, were entirely true.

"Nice."

"You feel like getting a drink this evening?"

"I would, but I've gotta focus on this application a bit. Plus, I've got my Spanish conversation group tonight."

". . . right. Spanish conversation group."

"Cool. Well, talk to you later."

"Later."

I've determined that, although I love this cousin of mine, interaction with him tends to do little more than highlight my tendencies towards apathy. I find myself detailing days of productivity that never occurred. Telling him all of the things I should be doing as if I was really doing them. I rarely mention Bob Barker's lustrous silver hair. Nor the unlikely fact that the second showcase is always better than the first. I mean, what would you rather have, a trailer camper and a living room set which has apparently been in the PIR stockroom since 1978 or two brand new Dodge Chargers and a trip to Tahiti? I've written to the producers to ask if this is a matter of blind chance or one of intention but am still waiting for a response.

The thing is, I really don't understand the mindset that inspires the kind of dedication my cousin has. How do you decide that, although you could sit around all day smoking and drinking and playing golf and poker and video games, you'd rather get that assignment that's due next month out of the way? For me, an evening of ping pong will always prevail over an evening proofreading and editing my latest cover letter. Perhaps I need to write that letter before I can edit it anyways. In spite of all this, though It's a damn good thing that he's in my life because once I do take that next productive step, it'll be awfully nice to have an accomplished attorney around to write me a recommendation.